She
by XxblackwingsxX
Summary: She's my foster little sister, She's sixteen… I was twenty-eight, She's innocent, She’s someone I love, She’s Mikan Sakura. ONESHOT.


**Title: SHE**

**Author: XxblackwingsxX**

**Rated: M**

**A/N:**

**Warning:**

(HAVEN'T PROOF-READ)

**(OOC ALERT and Pervy Natsume)  
**  
_Here's a oneshot before posting the 3rd chapter of Having You.  
(chap. 3 will be uploaded before the end of March.)  
This is all on Natsume's POV so if you want a sequel, which I'm planning to be in Mikan's POV, kindly tell me okay? Expect perverseness and I hope you'll like it. Good day!_

**Disclaimer: **

~I DO NOT OWN GAKUEN ALICE~

…

_She's my foster little sister…_

Everyone thought she was a real Hyuuga because that was what's written on the legal documents. But I couldn't and wouldn't ever forget that her last name was actually, Sakura.

Sakura not Hyuuga.

She was a brunette, hazel-eyed and petite – very far from being one of us. We were typically raven, crimson-eyed, tall and lanky. Her skin was sun-kissed, contrasting to our pale ones. She was out-going and cheerful while we were usually reserved. Despite those differences, my family accepted her - my mother, father and sister. They treated her as if she was purely ours so I tried to do the same. I tried treating her as my little sister but the fact that we didn't have the same blood made it more difficult for me. I tried, but deep inside me, I still couldn't acknowledge that change. She'd always be just Mikan Sakura for me. She'd always be just my foster little sister.

_She's sixteen… I was twenty-eight…_

I saw her skipping happily down the stairs. Her once pig-tailed hair now hung loosely up to her waist. Her eyes were still richly-colored hazel, glistening with excitement. But her clothes ticked me off. What the hell was she thinking by wearing those damn clothes?

"Natsume nii-chan!"

I heard her call. I didn't know why but usually, whenever I hear her voice, I feel soothed. Not that I'd admit that openly. But now, it made me want to rip her head off for choosing that kind of… outfit.

"Change your freaking skirt or I won't give you a ride."

I saw her pout, crossing her arms around her average-sized chest.

"This is so not provocative. I'm wearing a decent though body fitting blouse, a skirt and sandals. Just like always!"

"I don't want other guys ogling over _your _stuff."

Color rose to her cheeks and damnation take me for wanting to kiss her. I clenched my fists on my sides.

I closed my eyes and tried to erase her image. Why couldn't I get her amazingly long and soft-looking legs out of my mind? And those curves and those breasts… Damn her for being so enticing!

"Let's go," I groaned, feeling my body getting hotter every passing minute. "You'll be late for the registration."

"Thank you!"

My frustration didn't end there, however. When we reached Alice Academy and when she stepped out of my car, guys started staring at her. Everyone's head turned to look.

I glared at them and wrapped a protective arm around her waist. I knew too well what those looks meant.

Men are all the same.

"Nii-chan!" she blushed. "I know you mean well but please… I'm already in high school."

I stopped. For a moment, I almost forgot that I was wearing a suit and that I was twelve years her senior. I almost forgot that it's almost five years since she came in our lives. And I almost forgot that she was already sixteen and I was a fucking twenty-eight year old credit manager.

_She's innocent…_

I tossed and turned that night. I couldn't sleep. Her image kept on haunting me, depriving me even my wanted need. I took a glimpse on the vertical alarm clock above my closet. It read 12:37.

'_Ah… It's already past midnight…'_

As I was about to turn off the lamp shade, I heard the door creak and light passed through the thin opening.

"Nii-chan? Are you still awake?"

I stiffened.

'_How good her timing is_'

I groaned and pulled the covers above my head to block her sight. I'd be damned if she saw this… if she knew that I had a hard-on.

"What do you want?" I asked a bit harshly.

"I-I can't sleep be-because of the dre-nightmare I had." I heard her stutter and I sighed.

Ever since she turned sixteen three months ago, she began asking me to give her a bed space almost every night. She said she had nightmares often. Not that I didn't mind it. God damn it… she tortured me every time. She'd be just near me but I couldn't hold her nor even touch her. I couldn't and shouldn't. I'd just do that if I could master my self control. How I survived it for these past months, years even? I didn't know either.

I sat up but kept my lower parts hidden. "Come in then close the door."

She hesitantly went inside and did what I told her.

The moon's rays peeked from the curtain and when I had a clear view of her, I gulped hard. Her disheveled appearance seemed to cause me more pain than I anticipated. She was wearing a skirt, sleeveless tank top with a plunging neckline and fluffy slippers.

Wait.

I was the one who gave her that as a gift as far as I could remember.

The lower area of the bed dipped down as she sat.

"Um, why do you like sleeping half-naked?"

"Because I just like it," I simply answered.

"Don't you get cold?" she asked again, this time a bit timidly than before.

"No, I don't." I gritted my teeth in frustration. "Let's stop this, okay? I'm sleepy. You're disturbing me."

"I-I'm sorry. I just want to…" she trailed off.

I wanted to say how sorry I was to treat her like that, but I was just a man who was trying to stop this insanity of wanting his foster sister so much.

I sighed audibly then turned off the remaining lights. I moved a little further from side of the bed where she temporarily occupied.

'_Sleep, Natsume. Sleep. She's your sister. She's off limits.' _I repeated those words in my head like a chant. But how could I do so? Knowing that she was inches away from me? I've been feeling like this for years and tonight, it seemed like I couldn't stay away any longer.

'_NO!' _

I tossed and turned again for another hour, but sleep hadn't called me yet. It was exasperating. I tried thinking about funny things like Spongebob's antics, Chin Chan's crazy misdemeanors and most especially my best friend with the name Ruka Nogi, falling in love with Hotaru Imai, a co-worker who loved crabs. It was really hilarious, but I couldn't bring myself to smile… What more to laugh?

She was all my mind could think of.

I groaned and when I turned my head to check whether she was safe asleep or not, need rushed up to my entire body after seeing her.

She slept without the covers. Her head was facing my back and her mouth was slightly ajar. The plain in between her mounds looked smooth and her flat belly was exposed. Her legs were spread-eagled above the sheets.

'_Touch her Natsume.'_

"I'd lose control if I do," I answered back to the voice inside my head. For Pete's sake she looked so innocent… so naïve lying here beside me. How could I do that?

'_Just tell her she's dreaming.'_

I stared at her again and I could feel my hands tremble. It was trembling because of the anticipation to touch her.

I deeply sighed and moved closer to her. I winced every time the mattress squeaked. Finally, I was able see her up close. I inhaled a large amount before running a hand on her stomach up to the region between her breasts. It was so smooth.

"Hmmm…"

I halted. Her moan distracted me and panic rose inside me. Then, I remember what I had to do. I started it so I might as well take the opportunity. I've been restraining myself for years already. I'd burst out if I wouldn't take this. Damn. I badly wanted her… I wanted to _make love _with her.

I leaned to her ears and said, "This is just a dream Mikan… A dream…" she stirred a bit but didn't wake up.

"A dream… hmmm..." I heard her murmur.

I could feel heat rising onto every pore of my skin as I ran a hand on her thighs. Then unable to resist, I situated myself on top of her, caging her legs with mine all the while hoping that she wouldn't notice anything.

I pulled her tank top up, revealing two soft mounds with pink hardened peaks. I was enthralled. God, she was such a beauty. I never thought I'd be this delighted despite the fact that I've been in bed with other women. She was just different. It was like both my body and soul were allured to her exquisite charm.

I bent down a little and licked one of them. She moaned. I found myself wanting to hear more, liking the sound of her aroused self, so I took it in on my mouth and started sucking. I fondled the other one with my free hand and heard her responses. Her moans were music to my ears, simmering the heat building inside me.

After several seconds, I focused my attention on the other one and ran a hand down to her belly before hiking her skirt up. I rubbed my thumb on her covered core and felt her dampness as I continued on doing it with different strokes.

She started writhing under me and I could feel my boxers going tight.

"Damn it…"

I quickly got up and turned my back on her. It was absurd. It was a mistake. I was driven by this want. I…

Then a realization hit me.

I suddenly remembered that she…

'_You know nii-chan, I want to save all my firsts to the person I really love. Of course, he needs to be my husband first.'_

'_That's idiotic… This is the 21__st__ Century sissy'_

'_So what's the big deal with the era where are in? It has nothing to do with my personal beliefs. I know, I sound naïve but hey, there's nothing wrong with dreaming, right?'_

'_Dream all you want."_

"_Oh I will, I will." _

…she was still innocent.

_She's someone I couldn't have…_

I staggered to my bathroom and quickly shut the door close. I turned the shower on and leaned my back to the wall. I could feel my heart beating rapidly on my chest and I clenched my fists. The water was cold, just like I wanted it to, but it seemed that it wasn't effective enough.

Even though I wanted to forget what had happened, I couldn't. My mind was still clouded by her scent... by my own want and need. My skin felt so hot to be true.

It was the first time I lost my control.

Then what happened earlier came back to me, and I was too tired to resist that I found myself encircling my erected shaft with my hand.

'"Just tonight…"

I grunted, moving my hand slowly, thinking of her, thinking that it was her hand instead of mine.

"Just tonight…. Let me lose myself…"

In my whole life, she's someone I wanted the most. But then, she's also someone I couldn't have.

_She's someone I love…_

I ended up sleeping in the living room. I stared at the chandelier above me. My thoughts were in a mess. A riot was going on in my head.

How could a mere girl do this to me? I didn't know but ever since she came into my life, everything changed. The house would be filled with laughter every time she was there. My sister opened up to us a bit and my mother and father lightened up. She brought change into our lives. She was the change we were waiting for.

She was truly heaven sent.

Especially to me.

But hell breaks loose if I divulge that information to anymore.

I still got my pride.

Mikan.

Mikan Sakura.

She had those soft hazel eyes always filled with mixed warmth, innocence and optimism, while mine were piercing, fierce, intense and usually void of emotion. She was child-like, homely, unperturbed and delicate. While I, on the other hand, was mature, complicated and too complex for someone who didn't know me.

Mature? What I did a while ago flashed back on my mind. _So much for maturity Natsume,_ I told myself wryly.

But she knew me, didn't she? Though I'd always tease her, I knew that she recognized that it was my way of playing with her. It was fun. Those times were fun.

"_Natsume nii-chan, are you okay?"_

"_You wouldn't understand."_

"_Then let me. I want to help you so please share your pain with me."_

She was like the light.

And I, the dark.

Yes, it sounded clichéd and sappy, but that was what I was feeling, what I was seeing.

We were opposites, a walking contradiction,

Yet I fell in…

No. That was impossible. I fancied her, yes, but not that "L" word.

Did I?

Then, at last, when it was near dawn, I fell asleep with a conclusion in my head and a plan that would benefit us both.

I would do anything, yes, anything just to amend for my sins. She's definitely someone precious to me.

Because…

… she's someone I love.

_She's Mikan Sakura…_

My right hand was clutching the steering wheel with so much force that if I were some kind of super hero, the thing would break into pieces.

I've been staring at the porch for minutes, letting my eyes savor their images. I saw my mother on her knees with tears streaming down her eyes. My father was behind her, his eyes were soft and I could see his lips moving. He must be murmuring soothing words to my hysterical mom.

I inwardly smiled. My father and I were so much alike. We both looked tough on the exterior but a true softy on the inside.

I couldn't believe I was admitting these things now…

Aoi was crying in the arms of Mikan, who, much to my heart's awe was holding back her emotions. A smile was still on her lips and it told me that she was alright with my decision. But something was different about her. Her eyes showed confusion and... Was it pain?

I must be seeing things.

I told them that I'd be moving to Tokyo and I probably wouldn't return for months, years even if work caught me up.

But I knew deep inside that I accepted the job offer because that could serve as my getaway.

I didn't want to risk her anymore. I didn't want to hurt her.

I might look like a coward, but damn. I didn't care what they thought anymore.

"Natsume nii-chan!"

Her voice cut my thoughts and I fixed my focus back at her.

"What?"

"Be safe and come back, okay? Come back to us."

What she said was enough to stab my conscience. Why was it as if she knew something? Why did I have a feeling that she knew what I was planning? What I was up to?

I nodded stiffly and tore my gaze off her.

I heard the engine roar to life as I turn the ignition on.

"Goodbye Mikan…" I said to the waving image I saw in the rear view mirror. "I love you, that's why I'm doing this… I'm doing this all just for you. Call me a coward for running away, but damn it, it's for you."

With that, I left. I left everything and everyone behind. For her, I'd leave everything. I'd sacrifice my happiness for her.

Because she…

She's Mikan Sakura.

**END**

**Author's Note: I made this supposedly for a contest but I backed out so I discontinued writing this. You'll notice that the first part was kind of more decently written than the middle part up to the end because I AM having a writer's block for 'Having You'. Yes, I am yet to finish the third chappie. My mind's malfunctioning for days. : ( Anyway, back to the topic. Why did I continue? Well, I was typing random things to keep my mind working until I wrote something that made me remember this fic so… yeah. Here's the outcome. Sorry if this is SO unorganized. Maybe I'll edit this if I have time. Reviews make me happy. :D **

**Good day people!**


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